By Frank O’Donnell, WPRO Comedy Contributor
The Rhode Island Department of Motor Vehicles unveiled what it’s calling a new and improved website last week. It took two hours to boot up and then took a 30-minute coffee break.
A group of high school students challenged a group of community members, including the governor, to take the standardized test they’re forced to take. When asked about it, Governor Chafee said he wasn’t worried, his kneecaps work just fine.
The College of Cardinals elected a new pope this past week. Pope Francis. Any references to Francis the Talking Mule are highly discouraged.
Vatican City is prepping for the installation of Pope Francis. I sure hope Beyoncé doesn’t try to lip sync any Gregorian chants.
Boston Cardinal Sean O’Malley says he’s glad he wasn’t picked to be the new pope, and said that the job was like being a prisoner in a museum. He’s also glad the voting went quickly, so he could be home for St. Patrick’s Day. Mostly because it’s tough to get decent green beer while you’re prisoner in a museum.
The East Providence Planning Board has given preliminary approval to a solar farm. Governor Chafee isn’t quite sure how safe it is to grow a sun, but he’s giving the project the benefit of the doubt.
Shortly after announcing that small knives would be allowed on flights again, the head of the Transportation Safety Administration, John Pistole, ruled that he would have to change his own surname if he wanted to fly again. Going forward, he will be known as John Disarmed.
President Obama said recently he’d like to build a Caucus of Common Sense in Congress. He’d have better luck finding a sober guy on the Newport waterfront on St. Patrick’s Day.
Alex Trebek announced this week he’ll be retiring from “Jeopardy!” – in 2016. What is “not soon enough, Alex?”
Harry Potter actress Emma Watson is denying rumors that she’ll be playing the female lead in the movie version of “50 Shades of Gray.” Daniel Radcliffe, on the other hand, is willing to take any role, any time. Call him. Seriously.
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Frank O’Donnell
